Parrying those fencing problems
Garden fences can throw up so many problems
My biggest headache at the moment is that the wooden panels on two of the three sides of my back garden need treating. The other one is on the verge of falling down but is thankfully the responsibility of my Nice Neighbours, who are going to replace it in the autumn. The back fence is no problem as beyond it is open space and I can get to both sides to paint it.
My main problem is the remaining side fence, which shields me from my Other Neighbour, who is - how can I put this delicately - not so nice. We haven't got on since my wife and I had the temerity to move next to her, and things got worse after we built an extension.
The issue, of course, is how I paint her side of the fence.
There's no point slapping stain on just one side. And I know she wouldn't do her side even if we gave her the gloop and brushes. So we're going to have to use diplomacy - this is where my wife comes in - so that we can do it and somehow persuade her that we're doing her a favour by making her side of the fence look all fresh and new. And that it won't inconvenience her a bit. Then we have to get round there and do it pronto without squashing her petunias or splashing the patio.
The other problem I have - gardening is all problems - is that my wooden fence is supported by concrete posts. They're lovely and strong, with grooves that the panels slot into. The only trouble is, you can't get stain on the bit of the panel that slots into the groove without getting it all over the concrete, especially if you're spraying.
The only answer it seems is to remove each 6ft panel from between its two posts. Do you know how heavy they are? No, nor do I. But they're really heavy and take at least two people to lift them out.
That would solve the problem of the Other Neighbour, of course. We could simply set up a mini production line, heaving out one panel at a time and spraying it both sides before replacing it.
I make this sound easier than it actually is. There are trellises to be removed - both sides - large plants to be avoided, sheds to be negotiated and the glaring eyes of someone looking for trouble to be ignored.
But I'm determined to do it. Next year. By then I will have decided what colour to paint the fence.